I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
