You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
