We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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