maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
