dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
