I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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