id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
