By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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