i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
