matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
