yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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