No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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