I can text with my tongue
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
