My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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