I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
