I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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