she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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