It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
