You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
