I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
