So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
