Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
