I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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