Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
