It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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