FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dick very happy bro
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize