the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
