So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
