hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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