Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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