I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
