remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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