I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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