If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
