Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
