did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
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I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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