I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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