if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
