At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i believe in u and ur pee
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize