i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
