In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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