That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
