I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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