Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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