Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
