I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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