I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
