btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and you said cock pushups were impossible
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
