dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
