I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
