I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
