my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
