Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
