I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
