I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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