i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
