I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
