I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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