absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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