i just identified you from a description of your pipe
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
