Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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