just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
