there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
