As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
